A Wake-Up Name on Dwelling a Lifetime of Objective (And the Questions We All Must Ask Ourselves About Life & Work)

As I shared with my network on LinkedIn recently, I had a recent health scare that prompted a pause in my busy life to reflect on some critical questions. The questions are personal, and I’ve realized they may help others consider what matters most in their lives in and outside of work.

For these reasons, I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned from this – and pass along the incredible wisdom kindly offered up after my experience from colleagues, clients, students, professional associates, and friends.

The many conversations – phone calls, texts, LinkedIn messages – have been truly inspiring for me. They’ve reminded me that it’s healthy to take some time to reflect on the deep stuff. Doing so helps us reset and reconnect with why we do what we do. It also underscores how taking time to define a life of purpose and conviction can not only make us more fulfilled, but save us from serious harm.

First, let me offer a bit of the background.

An Ordinary Friday Changed in a Moment

On what was supposed to be a normal Friday workday, I felt some sudden severe abdominal pains. At first, I just thought I should rest and let it pass, but it only worsened to the point where I knew something strange was going on, and something didn’t feel right with me.

As it turned out, I needed to be rushed to the OR for emergency surgery for a rare condition and blockage that can stop oxygen from getting to my organs, which causes death. While the procedure was successful and I’ve recovered, the surgeon later told me that if I had arrived a few hours later, I might have experienced a much different outcome.

The moments leading up to the operation were surreal. With what felt like a ticking time bomb in my body, I had just a few moments to say goodbye.

What do I want to say, I thought to myself, knowing I want to be purposeful in this defining moment.

Here’s what I decided on:

First, I told Avi and Noa how I was feeling – that I was afraid. That sometimes in life bad things happen. It’s an unfortunate fact but it’s a fact, and they’re old enough for me to not protect their feelings. (If this were the last thing I said to them, I wanted it to be an important life lesson.)
Second, I told them how much I loved them and how proud I was of them – of the people they are, and the people they’re yet to become.

Then I said goodbye to Steve. While I was scared, Steve’s optimism helped pull me through my fear. “We’ll be waiting for you and WILL see you in a few hours,” he told me just before the surgery.

To which I replied, “I WILL be there.”

While it was a huge relief to come through the surgery physically, emotionally it has taken more time to process. I think that’s because it happened so fast and felt so unexpected and weighty. And yet, I’m grateful for the reflection period it prompted.

Top Questions to Consider on Your Life Purpose

1. Do You Trust Your Intuition?

The first is a highly practical question, and it is super important to think about. It’s easy in the busyness of our lives and careers to lose sight of priorities. A major presentation, meeting with a client, or customer deadline can feel like it should always take precedence, even when unusual aches and pains or other personal crises emerge.

Personally, I’ve put health concerns off plenty of times. Yet if something truly doesn’t feel right, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Here are just some of the perspectives folks shared with me on this subject:

“Having survived emergency open heart surgery one year ago, I hear you and agree 100%. As my grandmother used to say all the time, ‘When you’re healthy, you’re wealthy.’ So true!”
– Ilana Shulman, Chief Compliance Officer and Strategic Business Partner and Trusted Advisor to multiple corporate boards

“Health is truly the only thing that matters because we can’t do anything without it.”
– Teo Ignacio Landoni, Account Executive for Pernod Ricard

“It’s a great practice to remind ourselves of the things that ultimately matter and practice gratitude. So glad you trusted your body and got checked out! If we trusted our bodies and intuition more, we’d live better lives.”
– Andrea Gils Monzón, Marketing and Communications Consultant

“A lesson here is when in doubt, check it out, especially with your health!”
– Dan Hoppe, Human Resources Director for the American Board of Medical Specialties (ABMS)

“I saw many moments like this when working in emergency departments as an RN. These moments distill our lives, reminding us what truly matters, and revealing many of the stressors that occupy so much of our time and energy as inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.”
– Mark Brokenshire, Writer and Researcher in Education, Health, and Medical Research Communication

2. Are You Living the Life You Desire?

I’ve been fortunate to have a career I love and a family that I adore. In my early working years, I was admittedly a bit of a workaholic, but over time, I’ve tried moving away from those habits and created more balance, largely out of my love for Steve and our girls. I prioritize them and their needs. Still, running a business with travel demands and unexpected needs is always a challenge, and the balance has to be worked on constantly. This crisis was a reminder that working that balance must continually be a priority for my happiness and that of the people I care about most in the world – my family.

My health scare also reminded me of how important it is to tell the people you love how much they mean to you. I was lucky to have a few moments with my daughters, but those moments aren’t always guaranteed when a crisis arises.

Beyond that, the crisis I experienced underscored just how short life can be. It’s always important to take the time to consider what changes in our lives might be needed to ensure that what we value most in life is actually what we are prioritizing. Here are some additional insights colleagues shared with me on this topic:

“I am constantly telling people stop waiting til you are retired to LIVE. Life is about living, loving and learning – NOT activities, achievements and accolades. Too many people have unexpected health issues and even die in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s…don’t be the one who has ‘He worked hard’ on your headstone. Learn from this experience as painful and scary as it was… life is waiting for you!”
– Marlo Lyons, Certified Career, Executive, and Team Coach, Author

“Your lessons learned remind me of what author Stephen Covey says in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He really drives home the point that we need to be intentional about focusing on what’s truly important to us, rather than just reacting to the urgent but often trivial things that come up day-to-day. Covey says hardly anyone on their deathbed regrets not having spent more time at the office. It speaks to how easy it is to get caught up in the busyness of work and neglect the personal priorities that bring lasting fulfillment.”
– Steve Zenofsky, Director of Communications and Public Relations at Trajector

“Health scares, adversity, hardships, misfortunes and struggles are all part of life’s journey. Waking up and asking your questions helps you make a choice to lead a life of gratitude.”
– Maura Havenga, International Operations Executive and Business Strategist

Another woman in the public relations and communications field added, “Perspective is everything, especially in our field of work.” I couldn’t agree more. As communicators and advisors to top leaders inside major corporations, it’s so important to help provide perspective to our clients.

Sometimes leaders get lost in the weeds, worrying about things that aren’t essential to the success of the business, and they forget about things that are – such as building a great culture, connecting with their employees, hearing their team’s concerns, and all the related things that can help move the needle forward.

3. Do You Surround Yourself with People Who Lift You Up?

When I was about to enter the operating room and feeling scared, I was so very grateful to have Steve by my side with his optimism and reassuring attitude. He knew exactly what I needed him to say and was behind me 100 percent. I reflected later on how lucky I am to have people like Steve in my life, as well as colleagues and friends who also stand by me and who I trust completely.

If you don’t have people like that in your life, I think it’s important to begin cultivating those types of relationships. And if you’re in a toxic work environment where there’s little trust and people who bring you down, it’s not worth staying. Here’s what others shared on that topic:

“I find point number three incredibly important these days. I am working to move on from those people who bring negativity and stress into my life. The drama and tension just aren’t worth it. Here’s to continued good health!”
– Sydney Ayers, Principal, Ayers Public Relations

I also heard from folks who shared that my experience prompted them to think of new questions. Jessica Iben, a global corporate communications leader, said that to put her own life in perspective, she likes to ask herself, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” I think that’s such a brilliant question that helps get at true values and the things that might get in the way of helping us pursue our true-life goals.

Finally, my experience also left me with an important thought. I’m a planner, and yet I’ve realized that Steve and I haven’t had a practical conversation about our finances, investment paperwork, passwords, and what is left behind. While some of that information he could eventually dig up, it would be a whole lot easier if there was a folder of documents at the ready.

A Closing Thought

What a relief it is to have a crisis averted. I’m sure many in this audience can relate to having a similar situation that caused some deep reflection in your own life.

My takeaway is that it shouldn’t take a crisis for us to think through these things. My hope for all of us is that we allow ourselves to actually consider our life purpose and check in on whether our day-to-day work and personal lives actually match our priorities.

It can take courage to make changes and be true to what matters. Life is too short not to.

I’m curious – what other wisdom does this inspire you to share?

—David Grossman

Discover how to embrace your authentic self and become a more effective leader for your teams and colleagues by leading with heart. Click below to order your copy of the newly released second edition of David Grossman’s book, Heart First: What Exceptional Leaders Do in Extraordinary Times, today: