Writing Descriptions: three Tricks to Strengthen and Enliven the Stilted Paragraphs of Your Story
Do you find that the beautiful story in your head doesn't always come out the way you want it to? Are your unique characters being dragged down by a list of stilted writing descriptions?
Maybe they sound something like this:
He saw her across the room. Her hair was honey brown and her lips were red. She wore a tight black dress and her shoes were expensive. She smoked a cigarette and blew smoke rings as she leaned against the bar and sipped a gin and tonic. He usually didn't like women who smoked, but she was hard to resist.
After you've written a description like this, you might think it sounds good. It works out. You can imagine what the protagonist is seeing, and yet something feels stiff. This is why you are looking for ways to liven up your writing descriptions. Here are a few simple tricks.
Vary the sentence structure to avoid a monotonous tone
A common mistake beginners make is writing a description that follows the same sentence structure. This creates an infinite series of noun-verb description, noun-verb description that can get in the way of your voice and style.
Just look at the phrase used in the example above. Notice how almost all sentences in the paragraph begin with “he” or “she” followed by a verb. Not only does this stifle the images of the writing description, it's boring too.
A structural change is needed!
By varying the length and structure of your sentences and alternating between long and short sentences, simple and complex, you can create a more engaging rhythm in your writing descriptions.
The trick is that by varying your sentence structure you can make the passage sound like music. Rather than stringing lines that create a monotonous tone, a different structure creates a far more melodic (and pleasant) paragraph.
Take for example:
He saw her across the room. Her hair was honey brown and her lips were red. She wore a tight black dress and her shoes were expensive.
With a varied sentence structure this becomes:
He noticed her from across the room. He blinked once, then felt his feet slide to hers like a moth sucked into a flame. A stream of honey-brown hair fell over her shoulders and draped over the black Fendi dress that hugged her like a second skin.
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By varying the length and structure of your sentences and alternating between long and short sentences, simple and complex, you can create a more engaging rhythm in your writing descriptions.
Use vivid writing descriptions that focus on verbs
Memorable moments in stories need more than descriptions that are spiced with shapes and colors. Passages need comparisons, emotions, actions, and reactions that differentiate how viewers react when they comment on Harry Potter's green eyes (which look like his mother's) – and how that reaction affects Harry.
A simple rule of thumb that strengthens the writing of descriptions is that verbs are far more powerful and memorable than adjectives or adverbs. Period.
Of course, when a writer focuses on verbs, they trigger a reader's senses. For example, you could change:
She smoked a cigarette and blew smoke rings as she leaned against the bar and sipped a gin and tonic.
Rather than telling the reader about the cigarette smoked, verbs can tickle one or more senses as they describe the same action.
Focusing on verbs could make the above more memorable:
He watched as she pushed a cigarette out of her mouth and a thick ring of smoke steamed from her lips. The bartender pushed her a gin and tonic – just like his father used to drink. Warm and sour, with a hint of pine that always fascinated him until he tried it.
Do you remember that show rule, don't you?
Writing descriptions that focus on verbs rather than adjectives does just that – show the reader more than flat, visual descriptions. Just make sure you change yourself Elevate your writing descriptions as this will also aid in the variance of your sentence structure.
For more information on using effective verb descriptions, see How to use living verbs to bring your scenes to life.
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Should you use verbs or adjectives in your writing descriptions? Use verbs. Every time.
Add perspective to personalize the scene
Everyone sees something differently.
A Golden Delicious apple can seduce one person and deter another. Heather Mills next door could check it out and think about how it'll taste in an apple and cranberry pie, while Hunter Smith ponders how to use it as a spare bowling ball in a game of kitchen bowling.
The perspective says a lot about the person looking at the subject being described, which adds another level of complexity to the description itself.
Let's look back at the opening example.
In this paragraph the narrator it usually isn't "in Women who smoked, but she was hard to resist."To emphasize this further, we could explore why he doesn't normally like women or how he can't resist her (more on how to revise with this tip below).
For more information on writing with perspective, see Two steps to using voice and personality to fix flat characters.
Alltogether
If you find that your story is getting stiff, your words may not communicate your intention with the best writing descriptions. Knowing that is important.
A bright and funny scene reads very differently from something dark and moody. If you don't know this, you will likely end up in a paragraph characterized by ambiguous, obscure, or redundant descriptions.
I noticed this in my own writing when revising draft revisions. Using the tips mentioned in this post helped me clean up my writing descriptions which are not working for those who enliven my story with unique detail.
Revisiting my example at the beginning of this post is proof. Here's how I revamped it in several different ways. (See the example in the first paragraph to see the exact differences.)
Example 1: Uses complex sentences and vivid descriptions
He noticed her from across the room. He blinked once, then felt his feet slide to hers like a moth sucked into a flame. A pile of honey-brown hair fell over her shoulders, much like the black Fendi dress clinging to her chest and back like a second skin. He watched as she pushed a lit cigarette out of her mouth and a delicate ring of smoke rose from her lips.
The bartender pushed her a gin and tonic – just like his father used to drink it. Warm and sour, with a hint of pine that always fascinated him until he tried it. He had no doubt that she would kiss like a sailor and taste like an ashtray.
And yet, he thought, it might be worth it.
Example 2: Uses short, simple sentences and basic visual descriptions
Tight dress. Red lips.
He had another drink. He preferred blondes most days, but there was something special about this brunette. He was watching her. Long, painted fingers traced the edge of a gin and tonic. A half-smoked, lipstick-stained cigarette dangled from her mouth. She would be tough. She would be dirty. It looked like tomorrow morning's mistake. But tonight she was perfect.
Bring your writing to life
By varying the sentence structure and the use of verbs and perspectives, the above passages not only become more interesting than the original version, but also more fluent and more pleasant for the reader's ear and other senses.
Both options improve the original with two different goals. The first is more complex and descriptive; The second is driven by shorter and more direct writing descriptions to present a slightly sloppy exterior.
Remember that neither is better than the other because how you write your passage depends on what you want to convey to the reader. Whichever you prefer, both are better than the no-revision paragraph.
Overall, fluent writing is simply a matter of writing with the goal of (how should this scene appear to the reader?) And adapting the writing description to include different sentence structures, a variety of verbs, and a clear perspective.
With practice, you will find that your stilted fonts can come to life in no time.
What's the biggest problem with writing descriptions? Share in the comments.
WORK OUT
Write a scene based on one of the following prompts (or come up with your own):
- A student enters a new classroom on the first day of school
- A person goes on a blind date for the first time
- A grandparent meets their new grandchild for the first time
Take fifteen minutes to write and focus on creating vivid descriptions through sentence structure, verb use, and perspective. Don't forget to share your passages in the comments section below for feedback!
J. D. Edwin
