Timo Kuilder's new ebook explores the challenges going through a bipolar mum or dad
Until one Sunday we didn't, the illustrator reflects on his experience of growing up with a bipolar father using strong illustrations and disarmingly honest accounts of his childhood
Kuilder worked on the project for nearly two years and said he "quickly moved on to the subject of his father with bipolar disorder" when the idea of writing a book came up. Although it was a subject he hadn't spoken openly about before, Kuilder said the project encouraged him to understand it better.
"The process of creating this book has been pretty intense," the illustrator told CR. “Cathartic is the right word. As a child, I used to handle my emotions in isolation and not learn how to properly deal with their destructive cycles. During his depressive episodes, my father would be locked in his room and I would hardly see him all day.
“The writing process helped me process certain memories. And of course my parents are also aware that I am doing this book and it has helped me talk to them again about my father's disorder and basically express my feelings. When I was younger, I definitely felt ashamed of our family situation at times, or that my parents got drunk again at five o'clock. Working on this project forced me to talk about it more often and more openly. "
Until a Sunday we haven't explored some of the more difficult parts of Kuilder's childhood, like his father's tendency to hoard or alienate tree trunks, rusted buckets, and used books during manic heights. It is accompanied by black and white images that serve as a visual metaphor for some of his father's feelings and behaviors.
Kuilder told CR that the monochromatic palette was a response to the way his father's disorder was marked by drastic shifts in mood and energy – a duality he hopes is expressed in the choice of colors.
Until a Sunday that we haven't done, Kuilder will publish it himself at a price of 25 €