Find out how to "present, not inform" in writing with lively or passive scenes
We have all heard of passive or active sentences. Active sentences like “three men stood at the gate” are more attractive and interesting than passive sentences like “three men stood at the gate”.
The concept of active versus passive can also be applied to scenes within a story. Appropriate use of active and passive scenes can add an extra life boost to your story and also help with pacing.
What is an active scene?
An "active scene" can be understood as a form of "don't tell show" in writing. Instead of simply depicting events that occurred to your readers, bring the event to the present and instead let it happen in front of your readers. It makes the difference between telling someone a story or having them next to you to watch it happen.
Let's take this scene:
Mr. Norton greeted the butcher in the morning. He does this every day, but the butcher, a plump man in his late forties, didn't seem to be displaying his usual sunny behavior. Mr. Norton went to work wondering what was going on.
This scene is okay, but about as interesting as hearing a second hand story. It has little impact and can easily be glossed over as potentially unimportant as it reads like an afterthought rather than an actual event.
To get the reader into the scene, let the action happen in front of you:
"Morning, Ed," Mr. Norton gave the man behind the meat counter his usual smile. After five years, their morning greetings had become a ritual.
"Ah, John." Ed looked up from his work. He wiped his large hands, which were covered in bacon fat, on the apron that hung over his round belly. "Tomorrow."
"How is the business going?"
"Can't complain," Ed replied. But something was different. A dark cloud hung over the normally cheerful man's eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but then turned away and studied a piece of beef. Mr. Norton hurried to the train station, but couldn't help but look back over his shoulder and wonder if something was bothering the meat dealer.
When are active and passive scenes used?
Active and passive scenes both have their purpose and it is important to know the appropriate times to use them.
Active scenes are best used for actual events that take place in the story and that are required to move the story forward. This is the time to apply the "show, don't tell" rule in your writing.
However, if the mentioned event is a "backstory" or is only used to provide background information or character development, it is better to use a passive scene. Here it is actually better to tell and not to show.
Example: How to tell the story of the butcher
Let's take the scene with Mr. Norton and the butcher again. What is the meaning of this scene?
If the butcher is an important part of the story, the scene should be active.
Suppose Mr. Norton is about to discover that a murder occurred in his apartment building the night after he noticed the butcher's dark mood. He discovers that the butcher was having an affair with the murder victim's estranged wife. Not only that, the man had mentioned to Mr. Norton that he might be re-igniting things with his ex. Now, the butcher's dark mood could suddenly point to guilt for a murder, and the story depends on Mr. Norton making the connection and solving this crime.
Readers definitely want to be informed, not informed, of all interactions with the butcher.
But if the butcher is instead just "set dressing" or used to show off some aspect of the character of Mr. Norton, the scene would be better than passive.
Perhaps the author wants to show that Mr. Norton is a caring person, or maybe he makes his way to work that day and notices that everyone around him seems to be in a dark mood, which makes the butcher only one of many makes. Or maybe there was a murder that had nothing to do with the butcher.
In this case, the reader doesn't have to waste a lot of time reading about each interaction.
It's worth noting that the passive scene can also be used as a "red herring," which misleads the reader into believing that the butcher has nothing to do with the murder by mentioning it in this brief way to reveal later that he was the mastermind behind the crime after all. This method should be used carefully as it can leave readers feeling like something is missing from the main story arc or that key characters are underdeveloped.
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Show, not tell, when an event plays an important role in the story. Tell, don't show when it doesn't advance the story.
A time for everyone
A good story uses both active and passive scenes. There are times when it has to be shown and told in writing. Knowing where and how to use each item can help you create a story that will take readers through key turning points and add a soft touch of background information.
Do you write more active or more passive scenes? Share in the comments below.
WORK OUT
To practice writing actively or passively, create a short scene and write it in both forms. Note the difference between active = announcing and passive = telling.
Do you need a prompt for your scene? Try this: Jess finds a pile of money on the floor.
Take fifteen minutes to write. When you're done, share both versions in the comments below.
J. D. Edwin
