Share stable suggestions in addition to motivation and intent
It seems like an easy point of communication, but many of us forget to share the motives behind our actions. As a result, we can make people scratch their heads.
Think about what grade you would give yourself, how well you would give feedback to employees. Many of the executives I work with are brutally honest and give themselves an F. They don't make feedback a standard part of meetings and discussions. You give general ("good job!") Versus specific feedback ("Here's what you did very well on this project …"). They often don't give any feedback at all or wait too long to give feedback. and it would be difficult for them to give feedback to their boss.
The truth is that most of us would be far more effective at work if we gave feedback to others sooner and more frequently. It helps us all to work better. It helps us spot blind spots, know what to do next (and when to think about changing certain behaviors), and it helps us build relationships with those who give us their advice.
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The biggest barrier is often ourselves
While we'd all like to blame the challenges of providing feedback on external circumstances, we ourselves are often the biggest barrier to feedback. Most of us find it difficult to be critical when we look someone in the eye. We are concerned about how a person will react. At the same time we want to minimize conflicts or protect our ego. Both of these lead to the conversation being postponed or not being held at all.
Feedback is best given in a personal context as it will most likely be well received and implemented. When we sit down with a co-worker in person, we can better respond to their defenses, coach and teach them, tone down criticism by recognizing performance, and give someone time to take in the message. There is simply no substitute for face-to-face interaction when it comes to providing honest feedback.
Timing is important when giving feedback
When you are ready to provide feedback, timing is important. First, choose a time when you are at your best and in the right mood so that there is the greatest chance that your comments will be heard, understood, and valued in the spirit in which they are intended. Your credibility as a leader is at stake.
When you're ready, ask the other person if they're open to hearing what you have to say. If so, go ahead. If not, schedule a follow-up. Either way, offering a choice gets you on the right foot (but don't let them off the hook if they're not ready; be persistent and let them know you have an important message for them that will relate to theirs How it works). .
Avoid emotionally charged language or judgments and just state the facts as they are:
"I have to give you feedback … this is my intention … this is what I saw and the consequence … this is what I would rather see … how are you feeling?"
What feedback options have you not yet addressed that would be helpful to others?
– David Grossman
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